I fucked it all up – No! I didn’t know better

Sometimes I really feel like I’ve fucked it all up.

My career

My possibility to create my own family

My dreams

My friends

My network

My Life

but looking at the facts – I just didn’t know better.

The first and most important fact is that I late realise
that I grew up in what is called a dysfunctional family.

Secondly,

if I don’t fix the wounds in time from my childhood
in descent time, I can bring some stupid patterns
into my life. And these patterns are really difficult to change
specially if I stay with people who also live by these patterns.

I didn’t know that.

So for more than 20 years I have spent
hours and money working on
my dreamlife only seeing my work crack.

The dream crack.

The relationships crack.

Several Times.

And now after more than 20 years – I realise –

I didn’t know better.

Actually I did my best with the tools I had.

But I couldn’t see why I couldn’t fulfil my dreams.

I couldn’t see why even if I changed my dreams
and let go of everything.

I still ended up feeling like a failure.

Then I got a child.

And then I saw my childhood again.

And then I realised I had a missing Piece.

A missing Piece of Knowledge.

I did not Know Myself.

And then I realised why everything always fell apart.

You

I was missing that Piece, in order to heal myself in that
past when my life started a pattern
that was not healthy for me.

A pattern that I kept returning to –
that only ended up with me burning
my candle light in both ends.

At some moments I didn’t even know ny favourite dish anymore.

Call that brain wash of one self.

Maybe it is self bullying.

A bad pattern that allowed
bullyship in my mind and my body.

But still it was not my fault.

I didn’t know better. And so was the case for the people
who brought me up with this kind of understanding.

They didn’t know better.

But now I know, and I take that responsibility

– for me and my child

to get out of unhealthy patterns
and unhealthy believe systems that brings us no further.

It is called social heritage –
it is not mandatory to accept it
but the only way out is to change patterns.

And heal.

Heal on the wounds from the early past
in order to recover and do life in the best possible way.

And I healed, I heal, every day.

And then the Pieces came together.

Funny that I 8 years ago named my blog Piece 4 Love.

At that moment it was a fashion blog – covering brands

with focus on responsible sustainability

And that every Piece of clothing would remind us of the love

we give the world by being responsible consumers.

When I started transforming the blogcontent into knowledge of life

I didn’t know why, and that was why I stopped the journey I was loving…

The reason for not seeing my why, was the fact that I stopped
listening to my intuition and that I stopped being myself.

This is due to the bad patterns that I kept returning to.

But after getting my son and then becoming a single mom,
I saw the missing Piece.

And then I changed, I healed, I restructured my life,
and I am practicing my new routines in order to stay on track
and leave the bad patterns and belief systems behind.

Forever.

A last very important thing – It cost me a lot of money
not knowing myself decently. But money is nothing when I
compare to all my dreams and great relationships
that I left or left me

due to the fact – I didn’t know myself.

Maybe you have the same feeling or know someone
who can benefit from this.

We are not alone – we are together.

Never too late

Thank you for reading my post to the end,
let me know if you liked it,
and if you want to ask me about life, use the comment box below

or write me an email: anna@calledda.com

Tons of Love

Anna

PS. It’s never too late to change in life, and if you want knowledge on how to empower yourself under changes, have a look here

Change

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Maybe I am a little stupid or

But I have decided not to put the picture of my son on the open internet….

A lot of people ask me why I can show my self and not my baby.

A lot of people ask me if I think other people are stupid for sharing their baby…

A lot of people ask for photos and I do send them in private messages.

It’s difficult to explain

I cannot explain why but since I am doubting so much about whether or not to put up a picture of my son I have decided not to put up any yet.

That does not mean that I think something bad of people who do. NO NOT at all. I think it’s nice to see the picture of my friends babies.

Even babies of people I don’t know I love.

And every baby is beautiful. Every baby has something special to share with all of us.

But I am still not ready to show mine to the world.

That’s why this post is without any pictures but one of me.

Please bear over with me and see you in my next blogpost where I talk about how I had to give up anything in order to feel successful 🤘

Until then, stay cool, calm and lovely as you are ❤

Why I did not tell about my pregnancy ….

Now after giving birth it is ok for me showing pictures of me being pregnant… but during my pregnancy I couldn’t make myself tell it to everybody ….

Me, one month before giving birth to Silas

Well… a lot of people have asked me why I didn’t tell about my pregnancy. Literally I met people on the street randomly and I did not tell.

They couldn’t see it, I didn’t tell…

Or maybe they could see it but didn’t want to say anything…

You know that you never ask a girl if she’s pregnant because maybe she isn’t and then you would actually offend her 🙄

Well I think I didn’t tell because I was afraid that something went wrong and I had to tell that afterwords.

So I only let people know who was really near to me, because if something bad happened I was not supposed to tell that to everyone.

August 2017, 5 month pregnant

And why this fear of telling people something good?

I think it’s because I many times have tried to be wounded and lost the things that I’ve spend years on building.

Relationships, work, ideas … and then see it all fall apart.

So for some years I actually felt that I didn’t matter – that my energy didn’t matter – that life didn’t matter.

And actually I have had difficulties in recognizing myself – which made me hide even more.

I didn’t want people to know how I felt and I didn’t want to listen to their good advices or critiques about how I felt.

Not telling about my pregnancy also meant :

Not showing pictures on the social media, which actually was quite difficult because normally on the socials we share our daily lives so I could only show half of my life…

…conclusion I posted less than half of what I used to do.

I was so tired

Which meant that I spend less time looking at other people lives that I lost followers….

But being tired is part of being pregnant, and I promise you I was 😂

And that is why I didn’t tell about my situation –

I was scared of the reaction of other people if something went wrong.

Fortunately nothing went wrong and I now have a healthy little baby.

September 2017, 3 month before birth

Next post will be about why I didn’t put up any pictures of little Silas on the social.

Until then…

Find me on Instagram @anna_ulrike_

My passion for nature made me a criminal

So …

Last year I felt like the luckiest person in the world when I started my creative project making jewellery out of conches. An idea I had since I was a little girl travelling round the different beautiful beaches in Sardinia.

 

Greensansface

 

I thought it was great to be able to make something beautiful out of nature material. I thought I could contribute with something unique, fashionable and responsible.

But then I suddenly realized that what I was doing was against the law. It is not permitted to take away stuff from the beaches. It is written in the legal paragraphs.

First I was really stoked about the fact that what I was doing with love from my heart, was illegal.

I could get a fine of 3000 euro if I brought the conches out of the country. But I had been doing that since I first time remember being fascinated by the beauty of the conches.

So actually I have been criminal for many years.

But leave that aside.

My biggest preoccupation is not that my idea failed.

No… my biggest preoccupation is that I can go into any accessory shop and buy plastic pearls. Plastic pearls that comes from the petrol industry,

Plastic pearls that never obtains a delicious patina after years (they rather get ugly by time)

Plastic pearls that are produced in millions and who not that unique.

And these plastic pearls either ends in the nature because my bracelet broke or they end up polluting our air because I throw them out. I don’t say that this go for every plastic pearl. Some are better quality than others.

But the fact that if I don’t want my conch jewellery anymore I can throw it back into nature and it will become sand or maybe another person would like to have it and use it. That is not the case with the plastic.

And if it is ok to exploit the nature and people to make petrol, silver and gold, why can I not myself make high quality unique jewellery out of material found on the beach?

I do get the point that if 1 million tourists every year take away sand and conches from one specific beach that is a problem.

But hey…. not everyone is interested in having natural souvenirs. And not everybody likes the conch or the sand as memorable accessories, and not everybody has access to them….

So …

of course I had to stop my dream project and I am still in preparation with my new idea. That does not consist of material taken from nature.

Thank you for reading and if you have a unique accessory you’d like to show me, please upload a photo in the comment field.

 

🤘❤ Anna

Ps. this is a long time since I wrote this post, and since then I became a mum, read more about that in my next post, next week.

 

 

 

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The Night is Young 

The Night is Young 

Full of scars 

You look up and see the sky 

Full of stars 

You search for one so clear and bright 

That no matter how dark 

You’re Full of light 

This light makes you brave 

Gives you courage 

And makes you stay 

On your path 

Day and night 

You are sharp and so are the light ❤️

Xx Anna 

Ps. Let’s connect on Instagram @Anna_ulrike_

Loving

Being creative

Creating

See ideas come to reality

See ideas change

See things change

Make things change

Use what you have

With what you have got

Where you are

Not only with your pen

But with your mind

With your hands

With your things

By doing

By seeing

By recreating

For the better

And for love

❤️


This necklace charm once was two wedding rings, but never used after the wedding – now 39 years after the marriage the couple is still together – the rings are united to one – and will be used much more.

Thanks to PR manager Hanne Strandberg Dahl for letting me share the story and inspiring me to write the poem.