9 LIFE STRATEGIES TO EMBRACE CHANGE AND GET EMPOWERED
Change happens to all of us, and all of us can decide that change can happen. Change can happen deliberately and it can can happen unexpected.
Some changes are easier to deal with than other.
One thing is changing our furniture, another thing is changing our life.
Change includes also loss, some heavier than other, but when realising that change has happen or has to happen we can deal with it.
From the moment we acknowledge the change we can:
1 – BREATH It is easier to keep calm and think clearly,when breathing. Secondly we can actually get into really bad conditions if we don’t breath properly, specially when surprising news hits us.
2 – ACCEPT Even if our body is about to explode when we tell it to accept the situation as it is. Then accept the situation just as it is. If we fail to accept use strategy 1 to accept.
3 – UNDERSTAND LOSS Understand the kind of loss this situation has given in the moment and for the future. Because that future just died.
If we have difficulties accepting the losses go back to strategy 1 and strategy 2 – and then go back to this strategy 3. Remember to write down the thoughts in order for them to leave our head and body.
4 – CREATE NEW VISION Create the vision of the new life.
Even if it is tuff to create the vison of a new life (and trust us it can be) then the best thing we can do is to give ourself some space and time to create the vision of a new life.
Of course we cannot create it from one day to the other, but the vision helps the body to move. Remember that the vision can be changed while creating it in real life.
5 – BE PRACTICAL Do what we can with what we’ve got where we are – this way we don’t stress ourself about not being able to do things because we think we need new things in order to create our new vision.
6 – PRIORITIZE First things first, one step at a time.
If we start running fast in our actions and our thoughts, then go back to strategy 1.
And then come back to this strategy 6 so we can get a nice overview of our new venue and where to start, while breathing.
7 – FIND OUR CROWD Stay with people who are on the same mission as we are. We need people who push and support us on our journey. We need people who sees our value and make us feel valued.
8 – BE GOOD TO OURSELF Do everything we can to treat ourself as our own baby.
9 – HAVE FAITH No matter what, have faith, everything will work out, maybe not directly as we visualized but it will definitely work out. Have faith.
Every human being experiences change in life, in some way or another. Dealing with the change is the most important thing we can do in order to empower ourself and get back on track, creating the life story we can be proud of the day you die.
The 9 strategies here help us through the process of change.
Have Faith, We believe in you and your uniqueness.
When I started understanding the consequences of being bullied I got quite chocked.
Bullying can really ruin a persons life.
And for many years I thought something was wrong with me.
Due to unleashed traumas I kept walking in the same circle,
even I if started new life and got new relations.
I got into the same mill. The same happened.
And then I started second guessing myself,
until I read about the consequences of being bullied.
One of them is inconsistency, and limitlessness.
When I realised that I needed to figure out, why did I get
inconsistent? And I needed to figure out how to set my limits.
Well first of all,
I didn’t know myself and I didn’t know my crowd.
So when I kept staying with people who
turned me down
ignored my feelings
pushing my limits
criticised my ways of dealing with a situation
then I felt like crumbling inside,
like small explosions in my body that made me so tired. That I couldn’t keep up with the life I was trying to create.
Sometimes it is difficult to stay away from people, but nevertheless, in order to change I had to learn to set my limits.
This caused lot of troubles, and I literally lost what I thought was my crowd.
Because when I have been perceived as limitless,
it was ok to change my plans in the middle of a storm without asking me…
it was ok to step on my feelings even if I said it hurts.
Then I would always be perceived as limitless..
No way, my limitlessness has been a result of the bullying I have experienced since I was little, not only bullying on me but also bullying on others.
Experiencing bullying in general for me has been so traumatic, that without knowing it until now, it has disrupted my efforts of creating a platform for my elder hood.
Today I am 44, and last time I started over again was as a single mum in 2018, to a baby of 6 months, the daddy didn’t want to stay with me, since he suddenly didn’t like everything he loved me for before I became a mum.
That is ok, we cannot discuss feelings, but the way I was treated forced me to leaving my dream of raising a child near wild nature. With a mom and a dad near to the child’s heart.
I had to go back to Copenhagen Denmark and start all over.
With only one heart near my child’s heart.
And then I read one book, that forced me to change my life to get rid of the inconsistency that continuously has disrupted my life.
One book that made me see and start a research of
how to change, to know my self and my crowd better.
And I needed to set my limits…..
The people who gave me the benefit of changing,
The people who stayed loyal,
The people who understood or at least tried
The people who respected my limits
The people who walked next to me all the way
Are my crowd
Do you want to know how I dealt with it.
Stay tuned, I am consistent now. And will tell more.
It is time. Time to reinvent myself. Or change my life radically.
Did you ever tried to reinvent yourself? Or change radically?
Let me know about it if you wanna share it. Either in comments or write me firstname.lastname@example.org
Reinventing myself is not something new for me, but for the first time I have a kid by my side.
After 3 years as a full time home mum I have to start earning money. I have lived on savings and had no help from social securities.
Not even the famous Danish maternity leave.. I’ve paid everything myself
And the last 6 months with a lot of help from my parents and my boyfriend. I am so grateful.
But… my son is still home because he literally doesn’t like to go to the kindergarten.
So I have to reinvent myself, change my life since I am not able to return to what we can call a normal life with a job away from home.
How I reinvent / change myself
Since I have tried to reinvent my self before I’ll share with you my most important steps when starting.
It is not something that happens overnight, but some things can be dealed with quite fast.
First I take a look at my values, do they still work?
The strange thing is, that when I first started to work with myself, I didn’t have my own values. Now I know my values and I can also see when I get or let myself get disrupted in living by my values. I can also see that the value of having alone time has to be changed, since it is not working at all with my son at home.
Not that I can’t give myself alone time, but it is conditioned with my son, and I have to deal with that.
Which means that talking on the phone with friends needs to be minimised since my alone time is so precious and I cannot spend it on the phone even if I loved too.
How I valued myself
My values and how I value myself are two different things.
And again in the beginning I didn’t know my value, Now I know my value, I uplift people, it is a big value.
I make people believe in themselves, and I help people heal. But first of all my value is that I help people in knowing themselves better in order to be themselves more.
I began to see my value when I observed what people wanted from me and what I got back. Not as a calculation of who gives what to the table. but more an analysis of the communication in-between.
I have not written all my values or all my value, these are examples on how I work with myself.
I will share with you, that it has been very difficult to live by my values and to see my value due to how I once saw the world.
But I’ll also share with you what kind of knowledge I have used in order to deal with change and reinvention of my life.
Sometimes change comes unexpected and sometimes we deliberately change.
Instead I got a life filled up with different kind of violence… and I have experienced several sudden changes in life that made me realize that I would never live a so called normal life.
I believe that is why I’ve opened the Lounge – go with the flow be happy and glow. Because no matter what I’ve experienced I’ve always tried to be happy and positive. And I know many tricks to a great mindset.
Later I realized that being with people who hide information and lie to me about my relations is the worst kind of violence, because when staying with these kind of people, I never got out of my bad role. Reacting to people lies and hidden information in front of them. To their face.
These kinds of revelations can bring really rough reactions with them.
I have been yelled at that I should go to the doctor and get a fix from my brain disease. I have been called weak, ugly, lazy, pathetic, stupid, bad educated.
I have even been asked to go to the doctor’s to get a diagnose so that I could get the help I needed.
But the thing is, people give me these kinds of reaction when I tell them they bully me or they lie.
They react with their sort of violence and I either leave or defend myself.
I have even sit in a car with my 7 year old baby, we were both on the backseat and the driver yelled at me for more than 5 minutes.
I started yelling after asking the driver several times to stop.
Then I asked to get of the car and he denied. I called the police, they wouldn’t help.
I had to spend 5 more hours with this person until he finally drove me home.
How do I keep smiling?
I see that what they do is on their account.
And then I reinvent my life again.
I treasure my values and I do my routines that makes me strong and mindful about my own life.
But when not knowing about my values many years ago I took some choices that made my journey even longer and maybe also more hurtful.
But I dont regret.
And I know that I can reinvent my life even if it is tuff.
Because if you don’t know anything about a subject you cannot even ask questions about it.
And I didn’t know anything about how much violence
and abuse actually affects my life, or affected…
Now I know better
and I have the responsibility to step up and do better.
But it takes a lot to make “do better” a habit.
We are born into other peoples habits of language and behaviour.
And we learn that these habits are normal and ok, even if some of them are not good or suitable for a lovely and meaningful life…. and we take these habits with us, …. if we are not conscious in every moment of our life.
I have been very conscious and have unchosen kids for many years because I knew something was wrong, not with me, but with my learning and understanding of what I could aim for and what I deserved in my life.
And then as 40 years old I get the lovely chance of creating a traditional family, I took it, but the dream cracked and now as 42 year old I’ve been spending one year in figuring out how to live a happy life with my son.
Of course I got hit by the past, but luckily my age and my experiences in life had made me a conscious parent. That doesn’t mean that I believe that a young mother cannot be a conscious parent. But with my background and my story it was the best for me to be a late mum.
Because if I had known that the abuse and violence that I’ve experienced could affect me in the way it did later on in my life. Then I would have certainly done something about it before… but I didn’t know it then…
Now I realised that my bad experiences have messed up my habits and thereby my dreams and the work I did for achieving them,
because I continued to live my life in bad cycles.
Of course a lot of good things had happened and I am who I am.
But for a long time in my life after realising my deeper challenges of my past, I couldn’t stop thinking about which choices in my life would have been different if I didn’t continue to be with abusive people.
But really I didn’t know about the affects of trauma
until I got my own child,
until I got thrown back into my own past and realised what has happened when I was a tumbler. Because in difficult situations with my son, I realise what I instinctively want to do.
Luckily with the knowledge I have now, I know it’s wrong, so I have to find a new way of fixing the situation with my son. And after fixing that situation I have to spend some time with fixing my wounds from my time as a tumbler. Because my instinct tells me what happened to me, when it tells me what to do to my son in a difficult situation. And sometimes that really hurts. Because it is not something I want to do.
And if I knew that my problems as a teenager derived from my trauma as a tumbler, then I would have done something about it. But I didn’t.
And if I knew that my traumas as a teenager would affect my pre adult life, then I would have done something about it. But I didn’t.
I believed that I could handle the traumas myself but I couldn’t.
And for a long time I didn’t know I was living in abusive relationships, friends, work, family…
Now I know myself better, and everyday I work on knowing myself better and how to deal with myself in difficult and challenging situations.
I know myself enough to know my limits, my joys, my sorrows and it gives me this lovely inner peace, even if chaos is around me.
I know my shadow sides and I also know when I fuck it all up. And I can say sorry.
How about you ?
Do you know yourself ?
Can you say sorry when you hurt somebody?
Can people tell you sorry?
The better you know yourself – the better you know other people too.