For the last five years I did not do anything particular on new years eve. There’s a reason why, but I tell you that another day.
This new years eve was something totally different. First of all because I am using crutches for the moment.
And secondly I eat new years dinner at a restaurant. (first time doing that new years eve) I was with my friends Carmen & Giacomo. Giacomo is also known as DJ Busonera, and the dinner was with his DJ friends C-sky & Siko and a really special guest Ellen Allien, DJ from Germany who was to play at the new year party ATLANTIDE later.
At the restaurant we had a blast. One thing was that we were missing one person, the one hosting the dinner, and while waiting – we ate a lot of bread. So much, that we started joking about wanting more bread. You know… when you get fixed on something that is funny for the moment, you keep it for the night.
Some times ago I had difficulties in showing I was vulnerable.
I wanted to be strong and ready for action. Or did I wanted to be like that or was it just a habit.
A habit of what I’ve learned a habit of what I was use to hear. The words that created my reality. Who I was, how other saw me and how I saw the world.
Even when people by their words hurted me I had difficulties in telling the truth about what they were doing to me with their words. I wanted to be strong.
But inside me it hurted … it hurted so much that I even now feel the pain… not by the words they used against me but the feeling of not defending myself. That hurts.
And now growing older and even if it still hurts I know that I did well, not defending myself. Not spending my energy to convince other people of the consequence of their doings. Some people will never understand.
And the best way I come further is to have eye on the positive people and the positive constructive feedback I get.
Because by being with people with whom I am aloud to be vulnerable it is also easier for me being strong in the way that makes me progress and develop my life…to my satisfaction.
Balancing between being vulnerable and strong.