Its meanings, its consequences and how to deal with it
– if you are being bullied.
THE MEANING
The verb – bully means – to seek to harm or to intimidate.
You can bully or you can be bullied.
That is not at all a nice thing to harm somebody
or being harmed from somebody.
Because – harm means physical injury,
especially that which is deliberately inflicted…
Even if it’s a word or an action without touching, being bullied hurts.
This means that a bully in someway or another deliberately hurts the person that is bullied.
Who decides if a word or and action hurts?
The person whome that word or action is used against.
Because when something is hurting it is also pain, and pain is subjective.
It is therefore up to the person who is hurt to decide the level of the pain.
– This concludes that nobody else than
the person who is bullied
– decides if certain words or actions
are hurting or not
THE CONSEQUENCES
What happens to the bullied depends on how strong he or she is before the bullying has started.
In the moment of the bullying action the bullied person can feel some sort of pain.
It can be pain in the stomach like a sick rollercoaster,
it can be sudden headache,
it can be a feeling of loosing all energy in the body manifested as a rollercoaster in the legs.
The pain felled in the moment of the bullying action, can rest in the body for a long time, for hours and even for days.
This can cause problems as:
difficulties in concentration
insomnia
difficulties in relationships
anxiety
depression
self destruction
abuse
Separately and together these problems can cause
other big challenges as
keeping up with school
fulfilling a career
keeping a relationship to a spouse
So to sum up, bullying is a really bad thing,
and to be bullied generates a lot of other consequences
which we only see by time in the life of the bullied.
A person who bullies can definitely
be bullied him or herself
So if you are bullied – in order for you to be able to live a life where you see progress the most of the time:
stop listening to peoples destructive criticism
get out of relationships in which you are being bullied
start healing yourself
Since this article focus on how to deal with bullying,
an article on how to stop to listen to destructive criticism and an article how to get out of relationships in which you are being bullied… are under creation.
DEALING WITH BULLYING
When you suffer from being bullied doesn’t mean that you’re a victim or weak. The suffering is your body showing you by a physical reaction what your brain yet has difficulties dealing with.
It can be tough to realise that you are getting bullied, especially when you realise who is bullying you.
So in order to deal with the bullying you can do as following:
Recognise the situations in which you feel you get bullied.
Stay out of these situations or prepare yourself on how you want these situations to turn out in your favour.
If it’s at work you are getting bullied then start being strategic when you ask for help or if you turn in a project. If you know a certain person will say a stupid comment, prepare yourself on how you would like to see yourself be cool.
If it’s in a close relationship group you’re getting bullied then have less contact as possible. Even though that also hurts. But maybe the less contact can give you time for healing and thereby being able to cope with your own life.
The thing with people who bullies is that it’s so difficult to for them to see how their actions are bullying you.
They can’t see that when they change your schedule and programmes without asking it is hurting you.
They cannot see when they use destructive criticism
I mean first time is maybe ok, shit happens. But if you start to see a pattern of words and actions that hurt you, and if they don’t want to change that pattern.
Then it is not good company.
Some bullies even try to tell you that it is all your own fault
or that you misunderstood everything
– if you try to confront them with how they act.
A friend would show you they are sorry for hurting you, without questioning and that he or she will do her best to avoid to put you in a situation like that. – A bully would say that you’ve put yourself into this situation.
And even if you did allow people to step on you or overrule you – it doesn’t allow them to take advantage of you.
Like in hurting you or making you feel like a less worthy person by their words or actions or both.
In the moment of the bullying – Try not to react even if it’s difficult.
Instead keep focusing on your breath and your mind.
Make sure you don’t take in what they are saying.
Tell them that you disagree so much about this situation that there is no need to talk further.
And keep repeating that if they don’t stop.
It is ok to leave a room or a place if people don’t stop if you’ve asked them to do so.
Just keep focusing on your breath and your mind.
Being bullied is never fun and it can have some serious consequences if you don’t deal with it in time.
Trust me I know, this is why I started writing about life on my blog. I realised the tough consequences of not being able to see the patterns going on in my life.
The limits to my personal growth.
I thought there was something wrong with me, and I’ve spend hours and money to know myself better, change myself and then I realised I didn’t do anything wrong.
I just didn’t know better, now I know, not all but I share what I know.
Thank you so much for reading my text, I hope you can use it many years ahead and protect yourself from bullies.
Do you have any questions on bullying – let me know, either in the comment felt or write me an email: anna@calledda.com
Sometimes I really feel like I’ve fucked it all up.
My career
My possibility to create my own family
My dreams
My friends
My network
My Life
but looking at the facts – I just didn’t know better.
The first and most important fact is that I late realise that I grew up in what is called a dysfunctional family.
Secondly,
if I don’t fix the wounds in time from my childhood in descent time, I can bring some stupid patterns into my life. And these patterns are really difficult to change specially if I stay with people who also live by these patterns.
I didn’t know that.
So for more than 20 years I have spent hours and money working on my dreamlife only seeing my work crack.
The dream crack.
The relationships crack.
Several Times.
And now after more than 20 years – I realise –
I didn’t know better.
Actually I did my best with the tools I had.
But I couldn’t see why I couldn’t fulfil my dreams.
I couldn’t see why even if I changed my dreams and let go of everything.
I still ended up feeling like a failure.
Then I got a child.
And then I saw my childhood again.
And then I realised I had a missing Piece.
A missing Piece of Knowledge.
I did not Know Myself.
And then I realised why everything always fell apart.
I was missing that Piece, in order to heal myself in that past when my life started a pattern that was not healthy for me.
A pattern that I kept returning to – that only ended up with me burning my candle light in both ends.
At some moments I didn’t even know ny favourite dish anymore.
Call that brain wash of one self.
Maybe it is self bullying.
A bad pattern that allowed bullyship in my mind and my body.
But still it was not my fault.
I didn’t know better. And so was the case for the people who brought me up with this kind of understanding.
They didn’t know better.
But now I know, and I take that responsibility
– for me and my child
to get out of unhealthy patterns and unhealthy believe systems that brings us no further.
It is called social heritage – it is not mandatory to accept it but the only way out is to change patterns.
And heal.
Heal on the wounds from the early past in order to recover and do life in the best possible way.
And I healed, I heal, every day.
And then the Pieces came together.
Funny that I 8 years ago named my blog Piece 4 Love.
At that moment it was a fashion blog – covering brands
with focus on responsible sustainability
And that every Piece of clothing would remind us of the love
we give the world by being responsible consumers.
When I started transforming the blogcontent into knowledge of life
I didn’t know why, and that was why I stopped the journey I was loving…
The reason for not seeing my why, was the fact that I stopped listening to my intuition and that I stopped being myself.
This is due to the bad patterns that I kept returning to.
But after getting my son and then becoming a single mom, I saw the missing Piece.
And then I changed, I healed, I restructured my life, and I am practicing my new routines in order to stay on track and leave the bad patterns and belief systems behind.
Forever.
A last very important thing – It cost me a lot of money not knowing myself decently. But money is nothing when I compare to all my dreams and great relationships that I left or left me
due to the fact – I didn’t know myself.
Maybe you have the same feeling or know someone who can benefit from this.
We are not alone – we are together.
Thank you for reading my post to the end, let me know if you liked it, and if you want to ask me about life, use the comment box below
or write me an email: anna@calledda.com
Tons of Love
Anna
PS. It’s never too late to change in life, and if you want knowledge on how to empower yourself under changes, have a look here
Now after giving birth it is ok for me showing pictures of me being pregnant… but during my pregnancy I couldn’t make myself tell it to everybody ….
Me, one month before giving birth to Silas
Well… a lot of people have asked me why I didn’t tell about my pregnancy. Literally I met people on the street randomly and I did not tell.
They couldn’t see it, I didn’t tell…
Or maybe they could see it but didn’t want to say anything…
You know that you never ask a girl if she’s pregnant because maybe she isn’t and then you would actually offend her 🙄
Well I think I didn’t tell because I was afraid that something went wrong and I had to tell that afterwords.
So I only let people know who was really near to me, because if something bad happened I was not supposed to tell that to everyone.
August 2017, 5 month pregnant
And why this fear of telling people something good?
I think it’s because I many times have tried to be wounded and lost the things that I’ve spend years on building.
Relationships, work, ideas … and then see it all fall apart.
So for some years I actually felt that I didn’t matter – that my energy didn’t matter – that life didn’t matter.
And actually I have had difficulties in recognizing myself – which made me hide even more.
I didn’t want people to know how I felt and I didn’t want to listen to their good advices or critiques about how I felt.
Not telling about my pregnancy also meant :
Not showing pictures on the social media, which actually was quite difficult because normally on the socials we share our daily lives so I could only show half of my life…
…conclusion I posted less than half of what I used to do.
I was so tired
Which meant that I spend less time looking at other people lives that I lost followers….
But being tired is part of being pregnant, and I promise you I was 😂
And that is why I didn’t tell about my situation –
I was scared of the reaction of other people if something went wrong.
Fortunately nothing went wrong and I now have a healthy little baby.
September 2017, 3 month before birth
Next post will be about why I didn’t put up any pictures of little Silas on the social.
Last year I felt like the luckiest person in the world when I started my creative project making jewellery out of conches. An idea I had since I was a little girl travelling round the different beautiful beaches in Sardinia.
I thought it was great to be able to make something beautiful out of nature material. I thought I could contribute with something unique, fashionable and responsible.
But then I suddenly realized that what I was doing was against the law. It is not permitted to take away stuff from the beaches. It is written in the legal paragraphs.
First I was really stoked about the fact that what I was doing with love from my heart, was illegal.
I could get a fine of 3000 euro if I brought the conches out of the country. But I had been doing that since I first time remember being fascinated by the beauty of the conches.
So actually I have been criminal for many years.
But leave that aside.
My biggest preoccupation is not that my idea failed.
No… my biggest preoccupation is that I can go into any accessory shop and buy plastic pearls. Plastic pearls that comes from the petrol industry,
Plastic pearls that never obtains a delicious patina after years (they rather get ugly by time)
Plastic pearls that are produced in millions and who not that unique.
And these plastic pearls either ends in the nature because my bracelet broke or they end up polluting our air because I throw them out. I don’t say that this go for every plastic pearl. Some are better quality than others.
But the fact that if I don’t want my conch jewellery anymore I can throw it back into nature and it will become sand or maybe another person would like to have it and use it. That is not the case with the plastic.
And if it is ok to exploit the nature and people to make petrol, silver and gold, why can I not myself make high quality unique jewellery out of material found on the beach?
I do get the point that if 1 million tourists every year take away sand and conches from one specific beach that is a problem.
But hey…. not everyone is interested in having natural souvenirs. And not everybody likes the conch or the sand as memorable accessories, and not everybody has access to them….
So …
of course I had to stop my dream project and I am still in preparation with my new idea. That does not consist of material taken from nature.
Thank you for reading and if you have a unique accessory you’d like to show me, please upload a photo in the comment field.
🤘❤ Anna
Ps. this is a long time since I wrote this post, and since then I became a mum, read more about that in my next post, next week.
