How to get through and beyond healing feelings, here I show you my journey:

From Silence to Self-Healing: My Journey Through Invisible Violence

Two days ago the month of Domestic Violence Awareness ended.
Abuse is also violence, even if you are not getting hit.

And I have lived with both kinds of violence. Emotional and physical. And why not also let me have experienced SA from a family member.

It pretty much ruined my possibilities to create a traditional, predictable life pattern.

But since I didn’t know it, and I didn’t get any emotional support or guidance from what was supposed to be my inner circle, my life path ended up being a reaction to the abuse, Until the day I learned about load reactions caused by adverse communication and experiences.

The Fatal Effects of Invisible Violence

What many people don’t realize is that emotional and psychological violence can be just as deadly as physical harm, only it kills slowly, through the brain and nervous system.

When we are exposed to constant stress, fear, or humiliation, our body enters a state of chronic survival.
The brain rewires itself to stay alert, not to stay alive. And the same system that was meant to protect us starts turning against us.

  • The amygdala (the brain’s alarm center) becomes overactive, every sound, tone, or look feels dangerous.
  • The hippocampus, which is supposed to record time and memory, gets damaged, making it hard to separate then from now.
  • The prefrontal cortex, responsible for planning, empathy, and focus, goes offline, so even daily life starts to feel impossible.

These neurological changes can lead to anxiety, chronic fatigue, autoimmune conditions, memory loss, or emotional numbing. In short, our biology adapts to pain.

That’s why people living in long-term emotional abuse often don’t even realize how deeply it has affected their brain, body, and capacity to function. Until something finally breaks.

I got cured before the doctors managed to give me a diagnosis.
In 2021 I discovered the mental state CPTSD. I could relate to the symptoms, since maybe 9-10 years old, on and off, and so in fall 2021 that’s when my healing journey started.

Here’s how it went, in simple bullet points:

  • In 2018 I was reading Jesper Juul’s book Your Competent Child,  and discovered the term load reactions.
  • In 2021 I learned about The Crappy Childhood Fairy and Tim Fletcher on YouTube talked about ACE’s and CPTSD, and I began to recognize myself.
  • I read about how feelings create your body and began using oils and gemstones to release, get support, stay grounded and open up.
  • In 2022 I stumbled upon the Workout Witch on TikTok. She talked about how CPTSD and chronic pain are really good friends, and she showed where the body gets stuck.
  • I kept working with my mind every day through guided affirmations and frequencies.
  • I went to a life and body specialist and showed him the video. He fixed my chronic pains. In one session. Pains I had lived with for 15 years without any doctor being able to help me.
  • But my brain couldn’t keep up. And in 2024 again, on TikTok, I saw a video about the brain and realized my brain paths were damaged.
  • In 2024 I started taking curcumin drops, and from the first sip I could feel a change in my brain – first in the right side behind the ear, and later in the upper left side. 
  • And I also started group trauma therapy at the Danish Centre for Integreret Stress og Traumeterapi

I still walked into bad relationships and needed to move. So I left the capital I had lived in for 47 years and moved to the countryside with my 6 yo son. 

Now, after making sure my son could grow up in peace, I have, since August 2025, finished my academic work about the missing link in rhetoric: adverse communication and all its mental consequences. From emotional shocks to functional freeze, and much more academic insight.

I have also opened Calledda Studio, where you can get all the work material I used myself during this journey. The same material I have also used to help CEOs, sportspeople, artists, and people who thought they had no future.

And together with my best friend Bitten, I opened a Danish webshop called Oils and Crystals, because healing the mind also means healing the frequency of your body.

The most important learning though, is that in order to heal from these reactions you need an inner circle who supports you, lifts you, and they are witnesses to your journey. This is where the real healing takes place.

And soon I will write about how I did that, because it was not that easy, and I am not at alle finished yet. But I am getting there.

One of the thins that brought me long the way, was tracking my frequency and I still do that, everyday. Here is the link to my free guide and template on how to do it.

See you soon, take care of yourself and love yourself more

Loosing Passion and Recreating it

I lost my passions, and there are multiple psychological, social, and biological explanations for why this happens. Passion is not static; it fluctuates based on internal and external factors. Here’s a structured overview of what happened to me, my personal story I will bring another post, but for now the facts so nobody is stuck for so long as I was:

1. Why passion can fade

a) Psychological factors

  • Burnout: Chronic stress, overwork, or repeated failures can lead to emotional exhaustion, reducing motivation and interest in formerly loved activities.
  • Disillusionment: When reality doesn’t meet expectations, or goals seem unattainable, enthusiasm can wane.
  • Loss of meaning: If the activity no longer feels aligned with personal values, passion fades.

b) Social/environmental factors

  • External pressures: Family, societal expectations, or financial constraints may push someone to compromise their passion.
  • Lack of support: Without encouragement, recognition, or mentorship, motivation can diminish.
  • Negative feedback or criticism: Repeated discouragement can erode confidence and enjoyment.

c) Biological/neurochemical factors

  • Neuroplasticity: Brain circuits associated with reward and motivation can change over time; if reinforcement decreases, interest fades.
  • Mental health: Depression, anxiety, or other disorders can blunt emotional response, making previously enjoyable activities feel meaningless.

d) Developmental and life stage factors

  • People naturally evolve. What was once a driving passion might no longer fit their identity, values, or life priorities.

Summary:

Passion is dynamic. It can fade due to:

  • Mismatched personal values
  • Burnout or stress
  • Lack of motivation or support
  • Life changes or developmental shifts

The dualistic model of passion and self-determination theory are central frameworks for understanding these processes.

RECREATING YOUR PASSIONS

Losing your passions can feel disorienting, like losing a part of your identity. Recreating them isn’t about forcing yourself to feel a spark immediately, it’s more like gently rediscovering what resonates with you. Here’s a structured approach:

1. Reflect on Your Past

  • Ask yourself: What did I enjoy before, even in small ways?
  • Look for patterns: Certain activities, ideas, or types of experiences may have repeatedly excited you.

2. Experiment Without Pressure

  • Try new things or revisit old hobbies, even casually.
  • Treat it like exploring, not performing. Small steps are key. Passion often grows from curiosity, not obligation.

3. Reconnect With Your Values

  • Passion often stems from what matters to you.
  • Write down your core values or what you care about deeply. Then look for activities aligned with them.

4. Pay Attention to Energy, Not Just Enjoyment

  • Notice what makes you feel alive, engaged, or absorbed.
  • Sometimes passion comes from flow. When time disappears while you’re fully immersed.

5. Surround Yourself With Inspiration

  • Engage with people, books, podcasts, or communities that embody curiosity, creativity, or energy you admire.
  • Inspiration often awakens dormant passions.

6. Be Patient With Yourself

  • Losing passion doesn’t mean it’s gone forever.
  • Allow yourself to explore without judgment. Passions often re-emerge gradually when conditions are right.

Tip: Keep a small journal of moments that spark interest or excitement. Over time, you’ll start to see threads that could grow into meaningful passions again.

I lost my passion many times and recreated them again.

If you want to see how you can do it too

Check this out

2. Theoretical work you can explore

a) Passion theories

  • Vallerand et al. (2003) – “The Dualistic Model of Passion”
    • Differentiates between harmonious passion (flexible, integrated into life) and obsessive passion (rigid, controlling). Loss of passion often occurs when obsessive passion leads to burnout or conflict.
    • Reference: Vallerand, R.J., et al. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(4), 756–767.

b) Motivation theories

  • Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan, 1985, 2000):
    • Intrinsic motivation thrives when basic psychological needs are met: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Lack of fulfillment in any of these can dampen passion.
    • Reference: Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behavior.
  • Expectancy-Value Theory (Eccles & Wigfield, 2002):
    • Passion decreases when a person believes effort won’t lead to success or the activity loses subjective value.

c) Burnout and stress models

  • Maslach Burnout Inventory & theory (Maslach & Leiter, 1997):
    • Passion can fade due to emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and reduced personal accomplishment.

Destructive Criticism – what is it – how to handle it

This little article blog is part of a series where I describe what adverse/unfavorable communication can do to you and your child. The first one is destructive criticism.

Destructive criticism is feedback that aims to hurt, belittle, or discourage rather than help you improve. Unlike constructive criticism, which focuses on solutions or growth, destructive criticism attacks your character, effort, or worth, often without offering anything useful.

Examples of destructive criticism:

  • “You’ll never be good at this.”
  • “That idea is stupid.”
  • “You always mess things up.”

It often comes from people who are angry, insecure, jealous, or unaware of how their words affect others.

How to Handle Destructive Criticism

  1. Pause before reacting
    Don’t respond impulsively. Take a deep breath, count to 10, or step away if needed. This helps you regain emotional balance.
  2. Separate emotion from information
    Ask yourself: “Is there any useful truth here?”
    If yes – keep the lesson.
    If not – discard it. You don’t have to accept every opinion as truth.
  3. Consider the source
    Criticism from someone who’s habitually negative or uninformed says more about them than about you. Don’t give equal weight to every voice.
  4. Set boundaries
    If someone constantly criticizes destructively, say something like: “I’m open to feedback, but I need it to be respectful and specific.”
    Or simply limit your exposure to that person.
  5. Reaffirm your self-worth
    Remind yourself of your progress, values, and goals. Destructive criticism often targets confidence—protect yours intentionally.
  6. Seek supportive perspectives
    Talk with someone you trust who can give you honest, balanced feedback. They can help you see whether the criticism has any merit.
  7. Use it as fuel (if possible)
    Sometimes, the best response is quiet growth. Let your improvement speak louder than their negativity.

Sharing this with you, I wish I knew this when I was a little girl because it made me really anxious. Today I am 48 I can detect it and I can stop it and not let it in.

I hope you can too if you are exposed to it.

Once I lived a life based on other peoples opinions without even knowing it. And that brought a lot of trouble and I felt confused and scattered. But when I realized about unfavorable communication, I started detecting how I felt after being in some kind of contact with people and activitities.

And I realized that when I tracked my energy , that people who normally criticized me, now don’t even call. And that finally made me grow in peace. You find it by clicking the image.

Take care of yourself and what you listen to.

And love yourself more everyday.

Xx Anna

What happens to your life when you don’t know your soup? (incl. how to detect trauma and their consequences and how to rearrange your brain again)

Your soup is your life with all its ingredients, when you don’t know your soup, you don’t know how the soup taste before eating it, and maybe you don’t like it, maybe you even get sick from it.

The same goes with life, if you go into adulthood without knowing the ingredients of your childhood, maybe you think you know them, but if you don’t know the consequences (the taste of each ingredient) maybe you end in a life in chaos, diseases and a lot of changes.

And of course I can only tell because I literally lived the situation.

SPILLING THE SOUP

And the only reason why I can write about it now is simply because I had to spill all the childhood soup myself, and look everything through in order to understand that the damage in my brain was made out of really really bad ingredients, such as gaslighting, devaluation, ACE’s and the consequences.

What I did about it, .. well when I didn’t know I lived with it and managed my life by living a certain routine and disciplin. The thing is though, due to the damage I kept going into bad relationships. So even if I had all possibilities, and started of a lot of things, I was never satisfied and my bad conditioning left me often alone with problems created by other people.

ONE BOOK, ONE WORD CHANGED MY VIEW ON MY LIFE

For too long I lived without knowing what was going on, until I became a mom. .. and then a single mum. One word in one book opened my mind and my heart to a rough fact…ACE’s – Your Competent Child by Jesper Juul. The word is stress reaction / in Danish it is belastningsreaktion .. belastnings means load, so I would re-translate from google and thus call it stress load reaction.

And no matter what symptoms I had … it always came back to the fact that I had experienced severe emotional neglect and many other ACE’s without getting help or support from anybody.

I decided before going to the doctor and talk about a diagnosis that I wanted to get rid of all my reactions, that was in 2019,,, today we are talking 2025 and this is what happened from the day I started

✨ My allergies are 50% (before I could eat 27 kinds of food without getting in trouble, now I can eat many many more)

✨ My chronic unexplainable pain in arms and fingers are gone

✨ My sudden panic attacks (symptoms of cptsd) are gone

✨ I have total control of my time and my inner state of being.

It required a lot of work, and in the beginning I was really reluctant. But here is what happened.

✨ 2020 I started using essential oils (geranium and peppermint for start)

✨ 2022 I dared go to a body all mind therapist (I was afraid of people touching me, men and women equally)

✨ 2022 I figure out that cptsd and chronic pains are connected

✨ 2023 the pain disappears after 1 session with focus on cptsd, (ill try to find the video from tiktok where a lady explains it)

✨ 2024, I can suddenly eat nuts and almonds and dates, which I couldn’t for more than 15 years.

✨ 2025, I can pursue the career I tried so hard to get for so many years without good results, and now I see it all coming together.

I did one thing everyday, I raised my frequency. In any way that fitted the day. It could be the essential oils, it could be the crystals and gemstones, it could be movement, it could be meditation, affirmations on repeat on youtube.

But I did it everyday. In some way or another.

Then I also did something else. From my experience as a Security Representative I knew that journaling is a big part of documenting if a person felt harassed in the company. But not any type of journaling, it is more like evidence. You write everyday what happened.

And then I transformed this kind of journaling into my own frequency tracker. So I for my own sake could see what was good and bad for me during a day. And then I realized that people I trusted actually played with my time and downgraded my need for help in the village.

The thing is I have a child by my side at this time, and I knew that he would be affected by bad experiences too. And when I realised what was going on with people whom I deeply trusted, I needed to change. I did. And you can see my journey, what it did to my health to stay away from people who keeps your unique talents and their developments down.

And I share this with you, so if you are or know someone who are in a bad soup, Send them this frequency tracker template that I’ve made.

It’s free it’s easy and it lasts forever, because you just use it in your own diary.

With Love

Anna

The city of the future…. – answer to prompt

How would you design the city of the future?

Sorry for the impulsive break… living in a big city is equal a lot of things to do and people to take in regard.

Being highly sensitive or … becoming highly sensitive to all the human-made noises and to people too… 

I am born and raised in a capital. With all its good and bad. .

A city of the future is less noisy… and no tall buildings is being build…

Fruit plants everywhere. More green and more natural playgrounds.

At the writing moment time is 4.53 and a BIG nousy truck is passing my building. . I live on a small road. And actually there is not space for a truck like this. But yet the driver manages to get through.

I don’t belive we can get rid of all big trucks and cars, but I definitely think more and more people will take their bikes due to difficulties in finding parking.

I also think that people will buy more from people who support people.

What do you think ?

The word I feel too many use – answer to prompt

What is a word you feel that too many people use?

The right to self defense… when you are the bully.  

I think this said it all.

What do you think ❤️

Please consider co-creating the world a better place by supporting people and businesses that support other people who need.

What brings me peace? – Answer to prompt

Daily writing prompt
What brings you peace?
View all responses

The sound of the sea and the birds, early in the morning. That brings me peace. If I crate peace myself at home I turn of devices and hum.

But peace is not everywhere, and everyday I am so sorry for people being killed by occupiers.

Let’s make the world a better place for everybody, Freedom and peace for all.

My shop – answer to prompt

If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?

If I were going to open a shop, it would contain things and stuff, and pieces 4 love.

Pieces that makes your life more beautiful and easy to live.

When you buy pieces 4 love, you know they gonna make your life better, but you also know that you help other normal people like you and I.

A shop where you can find knowledge to know more about yourself and your life.

A shop that helps people on their journey of healing feelings ✨️

And then I realised… I have that shop. It is right here, and I am developing on it every day. 

Thanks for being here ❤️

Would you like to have a shop? Let me know

This item will soon be on the shop

Traditions I didn’t keep – answer to prompt

Daily writing prompt
What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?
View all responses

Talking about traditions we can divide traditions into 2…

Firstly, my traditions are Danish/ Italian, when I grew up in the eighties we celebrated Christmas, Fastelavn, Easter and a Saint s night in November as Danish traditions. The Italian traditions that we celebrated were The Holy 3 kings the 6 of January and the Deads night late in november.

I only brought Fastelavn Christmas with me, only because I like the lights and decorations during the dark times in December. And even if Halloween has become a commercial activity in Denmark, I am not into it.

Secondly, traditions about how we live and talk and treat each other is also to be mentioned.

I don’t bully my sun, I don’t gaslight him, I don’t bring him down, I listen to him, I take him seriously, respect his things and toys and we have a great collaboration. That’s is not something I am grown up with and the reason why I left the the bad communicative strategies is because I now know the consequences of them.

The cup at the picture is a reminder and a signal about the person holding the cup is on a healing journey, so people should mind their thoughts and behaviour.

Thank you for reading.

What traditions did you take with you or left behind?

Was today typical? Answer to prompt…

Was today typical?

Today is monday the 29th of july… it is 8.39 in the morning…. until now it has been a typical morning. With routines and work. It is summertime, and my sun is still sleeping 💃

But the days have not been typical in essence for 10 months. I am still writing and spekaing up agains attrocities and warcrimes. That’s not typical and will ever be.

What about you?