I continuously asked my self: What is wrong with me?
Until I realised there is nothing wrong with me.
There was something wrong with my way of living.
Well it wasn’t wrong, I was doing things that didn’t work.
I could see it worked for other people, but I felt wrong
trying to live the same kind of life.
It didn’t work for me having a fulltime job. I’ve tried.
That doesn’t mean I don’t like to work.
But I am more project related and
I can work for 100 hours in one week.
That means that I then need to relax in the other end
in order to get my house and my sleep back on track.
But then I missed a big point.
What if letting myself into dysfunctional
relationships – what if that was actually the reason
for not being able to work fulltime.
I have read several articles that it could be the fact.
And when I look at the pattern.
It takes me around 2-3 days to get over an attack of
overwhelm after being bullied.
In these days after I can be really tired,
I can have difficulties in concentrating –
and then the worst thing
…. all the small explosions inside my body,
but they call out for another blogpost.
After studying myself for years I realised
that I would never
get the answer of why
I have difficulties in working fulltime.
Maybe it’s because
I am an double air sign,
maybe it’s because of my
experiences when growing up,
maybe it’s because I am full of energy,
maybe its because of the bullying…
maybe maybe maybe….
But one thing is sure,
there is and was nothing wrong with me.
After becoming a mom.
I realised that I’ve spent to much time
listening to other peoples opinion about me,
instead of following my intuition and knowing myself.
And I had to start over once again in life.
But instead of thinking of what is wrong with me
– I try to figure out
how can I make this work. For me.
Something that works for me is
to shot the world out and empty my brain.
Just not having to deal with inputs from the outside –
and no thoughts about future, problems or relations.
And then I enjoy the nature, specially the sea.
Here I don’t feel wrong or right.
Everything is just a nice flow of energy –
and I don’t have to judge whether I like it or not.
And I am not wrong. I am totally right.
And so are you.
Hugs and love
PS. If you want to change something in your life
or if you have difficulties in accepting change.