I fucked it all up – No! I didn’t know better

Sometimes I really feel like I’ve fucked it all up.

My career

My possibility to create my own family

My dreams

My friends

My network

My Life

but looking at the facts – I just didn’t know better.

The first and most important fact is that I late realise
that I grew up in what is called a dysfunctional family.

Secondly,

if I don’t fix the wounds in time from my childhood
in descent time, I can bring some stupid patterns
into my life. And these patterns are really difficult to change
specially if I stay with people who also live by these patterns.

I didn’t know that.

So for more than 20 years I have spent
hours and money working on
my dreamlife only seeing my work crack.

The dream crack.

The relationships crack.

Several Times.

And now after more than 20 years – I realise –

I didn’t know better.

Actually I did my best with the tools I had.

But I couldn’t see why I couldn’t fulfil my dreams.

I couldn’t see why even if I changed my dreams
and let go of everything.

I still ended up feeling like a failure.

Then I got a child.

And then I saw my childhood again.

And then I realised I had a missing Piece.

A missing Piece of Knowledge.

I did not Know Myself.

And then I realised why everything always fell apart.

I was missing that Piece, in order to heal myself in that
past when my life started a pattern
that was not healthy for me.

A pattern that I kept returning to –
that only ended up with me burning
my candle light in both ends.

At some moments I didn’t even know ny favourite dish anymore.

Call that brain wash of one self.

Maybe it is self bullying.

A bad pattern that allowed
bullyship in my mind and my body.

But still it was not my fault.

I didn’t know better. And so was the case for the people
who brought me up with this kind of understanding.

They didn’t know better.

But now I know, and I take that responsibility

– for me and my child

to get out of unhealthy patterns
and unhealthy believe systems that brings us no further.

It is called social heritage –
it is not mandatory to accept it
but the only way out is to change patterns.

And heal.

Heal on the wounds from the early past
in order to recover and do life in the best possible way.

And I healed, I heal, every day.

And then the Pieces came together.

Funny that I 8 years ago named my blog Piece 4 Love.

At that moment it was a fashion blog – covering brands

with focus on responsible sustainability

And that every Piece of clothing would remind us of the love

we give the world by being responsible consumers.

When I started transforming the blogcontent into knowledge of life

I didn’t know why, and that was why I stopped the journey I was loving…

The reason for not seeing my why, was the fact that I stopped
listening to my intuition and that I stopped being myself.

This is due to the bad patterns that I kept returning to.

But after getting my son and then becoming a single mom,
I saw the missing Piece.

And then I changed, I healed, I restructured my life,
and I am practicing my new routines in order to stay on track
and leave the bad patterns and belief systems behind.

Forever.

A last very important thing – It cost me a lot of money
not knowing myself decently. But money is nothing when I
compare to all my dreams and great relationships
that I left or left me

due to the fact – I didn’t know myself.

Maybe you have the same feeling or know someone
who can benefit from this.

We are not alone – we are together.

Thank you for reading my post to the end,
let me know if you liked it,
and if you want to ask me about life, use the comment box below

or write me an email: anna@calledda.com

Tons of Love

Anna

PS. It’s never too late to change in life, and if you want knowledge on how to empower yourself under changes, have a look here

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