And some people thought I was looking for fame and likes….
For most of my life, I believed I was searching for purpose.
I tried to figure out what I was meant to do, what I should build, what kind of life would make sense of everything I had experienced. Did at least 119 personality tests, studied astrology since 10 years old, then came in numerology, hand reading, ikigai, human design, ect. ect…. I not only studied myself, no, I learned the skills to do it for other people to help them on their journey….
But recently, I realized something surprising.
I wasn’t searching for purpose.
I was searching for connection.
Real connection.
The kind built on loyalty, honesty, communication, and trust.
And when you grow up without those things, you often spend decades trying to understand what is wrong with you, when in reality you were simply missing the foundation that healthy relationships create.
Growing Up Without the Right Mirrors
The people we grow up around become our mirrors.
They teach us what love looks like.
What loyalty looks like.
What honesty looks like.
But if those mirrors are cracked, distorted, or unreliable, something else happens.
You start believing:
- You are too much.
- You are not enough.
- You must work harder to deserve connection.
- Or that connection itself is unsafe.
So instead of learning how to build healthy relationships, I learned how to survive unhealthy ones.
And survival can look like strength from the outside.
But inside, it felt like confusion, exhaustion, and loneliness.
Living With Pain I Couldn’t Explain
For many years, my body carried pain that no one could explain.
–> Chronic pain.
Since 10 years old I have a kind of bobble next to my heart, it is not visible, but I feel it.
–> Emotional overwhelm.I was always told I reacted in an inconvinent way to the bullying and the hitting and the stealing my stuff, not recognizing my feelings to what happened.
–> Morning states that felt heavy and impossible to understand.
At the time, I didn’t know these were emotional flashbacks. Standing up on my feet before my eyes were open. Teeth grinding, and tensed muscles as if I ran a marathon.
I didn’t know about Load reactions, looking like complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD).
I simply thought something was wrong with me.
So I kept doing what many people do:
I kept trying to be good.
Responsible.
Capable.
Productive.
I did my best to build a life anyway.
The Moment Everything Started Making Sense
In 2019 I learned about Load Reactions and in 2021 I learned about CPTSD.
Decades of confusion started forming a pattern.
The pain.
The reactions.
The relationship dynamics.
The constant search for something that felt safe. I could suddenly name a fear, I never thought existed in my life, because growing up in Denmark we learn about fake peace.
For the first time, my experiences had a framework.
And that changed everything.
Healing Did Not Happen In One Way
Healing rarely comes from just one method.
For me, it happened through several paths:
- learning about trauma
- working with body-mind therapy
- supporting my nervous system with oils and gemstones
- moving far away from unhealthy environments
- and most importantly…
changing the words in my mind. (a way do it, is by using affirmations)
Because the brain listens to the language we use about ourselves.
When the inner dialogue changes, the nervous system slowly follows.
Rewiring the Mind Is Possible
Something surprising began to happen.
My chronic pain disappeared.
The emotional flashbacks became weaker. And are now almost gone.
The constant internal stress slowly quieted.
Not overnight.
But gradually.
Today they are almost gone.
This is something many people are never told:
Patterns created in survival can be reversed.
The brain can rewire.
The body can relax again.
New relationships can be built.
The Power of a Foundational Identity
One of the things that helped me most was developing what I call a Foundational Identity Framework inside my Life Map Method.
Instead of defining myself by:
- past relationships
- trauma responses
- other people’s expectations
I began defining myself by who I choose to be and what theory told me I was.
Identity is not only what happened to you.
Your identity is how you choose to operate moving forward.
This shift is powerful.
Because it means the past no longer decides the future.
Leaving Old Environments Matters
Another truth that helped my healing:
Sometimes the biggest step forward is simply distance.
Moving away from environments where unhealthy dynamics were normal gave my nervous system space to reset.
When you are no longer surrounded by the patterns that shaped you, your brain finally gets room to build new ones.
Building a Life From Clarity Instead of Survival
Today, my life is not defined by the patterns I grew up with.
I create.
I build businesses.
I help others understand themselves.
And most importantly:
I know that connection can be created intentionally.
Healthy relationships are not something reserved for the lucky.
They are something you learn to recognize and build.
If You Recognize Yourself In This Story
Maybe you have spent years feeling like something is wrong with you…
Maybe your body carries pain you cannot explain…
Maybe relationships have always felt confusing or exhausting…
Please know this:
You are not a broken person, something inside you broke, maybe even before you could speak, but you can repair it and get better.
Some of us have been trying to build a life without the emotional foundations most people take for granted.
And if that is the case, there is good news.
Those foundations can be built later.
The brain can learn new patterns.
The nervous system can calm.
Healthy relationships can become possible.
And a meaningful life can still be created.
Even after decades of searching.
Your past does not disqualify you from a beautiful future.
Sometimes it is the very path that teaches you how to build one.
Thank you for reading. And feel welcome to ask any questions for your sake.
Piece 4 Love is for you, to make your life more beautiful and easy to live.
<3 Anna
Ps. and Love yourself more =)